BUCKET LIST

there's a niche for everybody...a separate one...to make your own space...and stand your own ground...it makes us special..it makes us different...and gives us our own territory...I need that niche...
I think its too far away before i can finally get there...but I want one..n when I finally get one..I want to be happy..
ever heard of that song "Sunscreen" by baz luhrmann....its one of those to lift your spirits up at anytime of the day...everytime I listen to it....I promise myself...to hear it first thing every mornin....because its really some of those things...that we know exist...but we need to be reminded that they do....and they make life simpler...and easier to live.....
He says : don't worry if you dont know what you wanna do with your life...some of the most interestin people Ive met didnt know at 20 what they wanted to do with their lives...some of the most interesting 40 yr olds I know....still don't!!
I need somebody to keep remindin me of this fact...because I keep feeling down and out and useless...and I know...I know there's a reason for my life....I know its calling out to me....but I dont know how to reach out to it...I cant find the reason....I know..Ill be happy once I do.....I need to find a reason....I need to know...

anyway...
this time of the year is surprising me...well..for that matter 2008 has been a year full of those surprises poppin out of nowhere...and not the pleasant ones...anyway...its usually my favorite time of the year...the weather is pleasant...there are like a trazillion birthdays...and thus..that many cakes...so well...yeah..it is my favorite time of the yr...cakes and chocolates have been determining my reason for happiness for a long long time now....and hence the affection for winter...but as I've been growing up Ive been adding more and more things to feel positive about in this season and it really keeps my spirits lifted...these 4 months really make me feel like I AM after all...living the life that I want to...but..the wind seems to be blowing the other way around this yr....well the winds not really blowing at all because the weather couldnt get worse...but hey..what the heck is wrong with 2008....
I have to admit Im giving it less credit than it deserves...for starters it had a lot of firsts in my life...some that I can mention..and some that I cant....out of the ones that I can...I saw my very first surgery..and many more thereafter...I got drunk..like really really drunk...yeah whatever..I know its too late...but Ive got some threshold...anyway...I got kissed by a dolphin...Im including this in my firsts..because I knw...when I get the perfect life..Im gonna do that a lot more often..I sneaked out of the house at nite(more than once)..tee hee..saw bombay at untowardly hours...well the other firsts..I bet I cant remember coz Im amnesic and they were in the first half of the yr..and out of the ones that I can.....umm lets just leave em to sweet memories....
but still november and december are like the craziest months of the year...I can add so many more firsts..but they seem so DEAD in the grave right now...
Things gotta buck up...
Anyway for some reason...my bucket list...is on my mind alot lately.....its usually the things people wanna do before they die...but I have one...every yr...before my birthday...haa...ironic....i know...so last yr I wanted to get drunk and motor a train....not simultaneously as I made it sound...Like get drunk separately and motor a train separately..but yeah u got the point
this yr...well blame it on the dull atmosphere these days..which is totally wearin on me by the way..coz Ive been awfully quiet and dazed...I don't even have a bucket list....you know this time of the yr..gets me nostalgic..and oh-another year-coming-to-an-end-already type...and my 21st freakin godforsaken birthday has only 45 days to go(I think)...I tend to make big deals about the age factor...I wont be mentioning it few yrs down the line..so Im takin this opportunity to be open about it....Anyway Im entering one of those decades...and once ur there...dammit u keep growin older....
I wish i could be one of those confident people who go : I love the way I look...age doesnt matter...I FEEEEL younger....yeah right whatever...I envy them if they genuinely mean that...otherwise I just assume they mustve drowned in a tub full of Botox and chuckle under my breath...
anyway...I realised Ive been rambling gibberish now...but I must say..writing really helps...its alleviating...its like my catharsis....welll yay......
BUT...
the point is....
I NEED A BUCKET LIST ALREADY !!!!





35. Dont worry if you don't know what to do with your life...some of the most interestin people Ive met..didnt know at 20 what they wanted to do with their lives....some of the most interestin 40 yr olds I know...STILL DON'T........:)
36. The world of pretense is a cage....not a cocoon.....

waitin on the world to change..

Im really inspired at this moment...I just watched RDB for the hundredth time...It gets me thinkin...about our defense....about the men who volunteer to go out there and fight....Its another thing standing by your parent's side after getting a glimpse of a patriotic movie n tuggin on his shirt to tell him that you wanna be one of those men in green one day....And its totally different....when u leave the option of getting one of the degrees that everyone around you is conveniently obtaining....gettin a good job and having one of those happily-ever-after married lives....always around to see your girlfriend-cum-fiance turn into super wifey..and the nitty-gritties of your kids....its such a convenient option...y wouldn't anyone opt for it...I dont understand...I cant read their minds..I cant get into the head of a person who will volunteer to give all this up...and sign up in the army,navy or air force.....Once you sign up and your in the system...its foolproof to ensure that you wont regret your presence there...you'll never betray your country...once there...your just proud to be a part of that world...to be making such a difference to so many lives....but that one step...of just signing up for it...and watchin your parents shed tears when they hear the news...unsure if they are of joy, pride..or fear.....just that one step....needs the courage of a thousand men....I respect that sooo much...If I had it my way..well....we'd never need anybody to sacrifice their lives to cover up somebody else's mistakes....mistakes of segregation, discrimination, independence and all that BULLSHIT!!.....If I had it my way....there wouldn't be any country at all......we'd live on EARTH... the way the apes did.....the drink-and-be-merry life.........wander.......wonder....laugh..itch....eat..sleep...
well not technically that way....but with freedom to be the master of your own destiny.....Sometimes I wonder..if we really have evolved for our benefit.......the more we seem to evolve the more complicated our lives are becoming...what great use are we making of the life of a scientist...who spends an entire lifetime to find the cure of a fatal disease.......when the fatality is actually beginning to claw into every existence of our being.......I'm not sure we were meant to turn out like that....to fight for survival at every step....In the world I hope to live in....there's alot of bliss...and love...and happiness.....and positivity....I'm being disgustingly hypothetical I know....more than half of ul who read this are already 6 feet under a heap of workload and tensions and stresses to be dreaming about a perfect world....
But I have a sweet memory...of the time when we were kids...innocent lil people...we could just get out of bed....topple over our heads in the sand.. and smother our feet in the puddles....we could chase a fly endlessly with the hope of catching it....and always fail...but have fun anyway..we'd pplopp pebbles in water....just to enjoy the sound of it..play in the mud with our buddies....
finally tire and lie down on the dewy grass....and stare endlessly at the sky....for no reason...there were no dreams....and there was no foresight...and there was no regret....just lying there.....staring at the sky...we'd watch the sun fade away....watch the moon and stars.....n hear their story....and at the end of a playful and untidy day....smirk naughtily and run into the arms of our mommies..who'd tuck us safely into bed.....and we'd smile to sleep....because...tomorrow....we'd do the same thing....n be AS HAPPY AS TODAY.







33. You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. In Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them......but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears......Most people turn to the things and people they can trust.......
But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely....cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true......
- Meredith Grey.

34........that's why...we're waiting....waiting on the world to change..
- shraddha.

eyes open..

Iv been livin with a shadow overhead...

Iv been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

Iv been lonely for so long..

trapped in the past..

I just cant seem to move on

Iv been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

just incase I ever need 'em again someday

Iv been setting aside time...

to clear a little space

in the corners of my mind..

all I wanna do is find a way back into love

I cant make it through without a way back into love

Iv been watchin

but the stars refuse to shine

Iv been searchin

but I just dont see the signs

I know that its out there

there's gotta be somethin for my soul somewhere..

Iv been lookin for someone to shed some light

not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction

all I wanna do

is find a way back into love

I cant make it through without a way back into love

and if I open my heart again

I guess im hopin ull be there

for me

in the end.....

There are moments when I dont know if its real

or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

not just another negotiation

All I wanna do

is find a way back into love

I cant make it through without a way back into love

and if I open my heart to you

Im hopin you'll show me what to do

and if you help me to start again

then I'll be there

for you

in the end....

catchin up..or caught up?!

its shameless for me to start blogging rite now...because my mom's ramblin in the background...ENDLESSLY..
and which I cant seem to disrespectfully tune down.....I dont want to actually..not disrespectfully atleast......so im mentionin it here..and its a secret between u and me....
FYI she's back from a wedding in Delhi...and I got her to start talking coz the silence in my house was killing me....I am definitely not repenting that.....coz Im getting all the gossip about all the aunty-shanties and their gawdy clothing..and their critical scannin of each others clothing...and their size 20s and 40s......and a lil bit here and there about the moody rik drivers too....and the influences....and new friends.....and the same old family...and dead dog....phew!!
its going on....although I would love to mention that my mom is absolutely not a gossip queen..and totally despises it....this......what is going in my background...is just a MERE description of a fortnite which she spent away from me...so that I can picture it...how sweet!!.....
well...its cute too...coz politics from her tongue is like the masala in her schezwan sauce....a tinge of vinegar...and spices galore.....
I am also hearing about people I didnt know existed and the same ones whom Iv apparently met alot of times...and I must say my pretence of reminiscing is hopeless...so Im just nodding along...
There's alot of description about everyones houses too...and their hospitalilty....I have alot of relatives in Delhi....so itsssss goooooiiinnnn onnnnnnnnn....
Im not bored...Im typing as she's rantin.....lol...please dont think Im shameless...I really love our talks...our mother daughter tidbits.....
I gave her alot of news about MY lovely curfew-less days and nites (which got over houurrsss ago FYI).....ahem!!.....obviously leaving out details about the encroachment into CURFEWED time zones....which happened a lil too often for her comfort.....
I must say I absolutely enjoyed my Home Alone moments.....I partied...lazed around....did everything I wanted..when i wanted......went wherever I had to whenever I felt like.....I loved the freedom.....
but on the other hand...I missed them...I missed my family...because I need some noise when I get back home....screw silence when you dont need it....
I was a dutiful daughter and called them every single time I felt guilty of not being questioned about my whereabouts and deadlines....
My mother freaked out on the other end of the phone...coz she thought I was going wilder...less responsible..and she wouldnt understand that it was my way of showin my respect for her by letting her knw...of my apparent wild ways.....
Btw her voice trembled so hilariously.....sorrie..im not being sadistic..shes my mom.....but it was funnie...sometimes.Ii dont think they realize Im much naughtier than what they see...or probably they dont want to accept the fact that theyve brought up a demon and hence want to overlook my demonizin ways to feel better about their authority and reputation...lol...its so silly.....
Iv given birth to a menace...how tough is that......?....ok im being kiddish again....pardon...
anyway the point is....u never know what you've got till its gone....(33)....and your never happy with that you've currently got....
its human tendency....WE ALWAYS WANT MORE.....
I dont know if Pepsi hit bullseye or rockbottom....when they quote their drink.....but it sure is one helluva pesticide!!! YUM!
Anyway.. the quote should've been......you should know what u have...weigh it with what you want....weigh it over what you dont have...and negate what you cant get.....
basically...JUST BE HAPPIEEE WITH with the 75% you've got more than the 25% you havent got at all.....and probably are less likely to ever get...


P.S : my mother is almost on her way to doze off or so i thought..coz she got up and just sat back down again.......but I sincerely hope she doesnt expect me to recall our conversation when time demands...I mean for future gossips...coz she'll definitely think im amnesic....or genetically predisposed to it...coz shes losing her memory these days!!..she'll freak out coz its showing the effects on her daughter...wayyyyyyyy earlier than what she dreaded of.....

untitled

Its shocking how responsibility is (yet again) such a farfetched virtue in my life...coz im here....writing a blog....when i should instead be studying....anyway...ive been missing blogging so much lately..that i am literally compelling myself to write something...when as usual i have nothing relevant to talk about...which you may have obviously noticed by now...
before i start writin..i want to mention how thankful I am to shiamak....for introducing dance into my life...many other lives..and for SOUL to SOLE......




they say childhood is the best gift God gave man........I nod....
its not the innocence of the face but the innocence in the soul.....in the eyes
the way a young kid can perceive, observe and imagine....and create his own world.....little does he know..that the own world he imagines to live in is not so difficult to achieve....that when he grows up....maybe the world with cherry colored house tops and green lawns would be modified to a more modest one.....but the world would be his OWN.....because he would be living in it alone.....
god made us different....but he gave us the same world to live in...the same situations to face.....
he smirks at us....
because what we can overcome together....we prefer to conquer alone.....
he tests us....and we fail....
he laughs.....





31. DANCE....like no one's watchin!



32. DANCE....even if everyone's watchin....

luv you shiamak....

P.S i cant believe i forgot to mention...............its tooo late...but FEDERER WONNNNNNNNNNNN.....DUDE HE WON IT........so for all those suckers who thought he was going down............KISSASSSS.....LOSAAAAAAAAAAAAA SSS.....


P.S P.S pardon me for the outburst in a sophomore dialect.....but " the critics spoke too soon" just wudnt be that impactful!!.....again.....LOSerrrrrSSSSSSS

Leaning to fly

Since a few days I've been wondering what to write....its not that I was particularly occupied.....it took a little time for me to settle into a new schedule when college started after such a long and nice extended vacation....so the first 2 weeks are a valid alibi...
anyway...some sort of boredom worse than a tragedy (seriously) has struck me....and my brain has locked itself in to detach and hibernate.....atleast thats what my jaded thoughts imply.....
I had a great thing going on in college...as a fresher into a new year...u should know that I tend to go overboard with excitement when good things are happening....so alot of fervency exuded my aura....It was smooth sailing...or well almost....until my friend had this sudden itch to visit a counsellor...for our further studies abroad.....she was prodded by a friend's mom...a guy she has a crush on to be specific.....who suggested she visit a counsellor...whose a family friend n all that....u knw when ur at the peak of infatuation u are also at the peak of baseless eccentricities....anyway I am gonna get to the end of the story...she's going to the US in December....Yeah the counsellor quite evidently did a fine job....she dumped him though....I mean she has switched to another one now...I just got some sadistic pleasure to mention it....
My point is.....all this was so sudden for me....an excellent reason for me to totally flip out...that I started researching for my masters full throttle....and somewhere along the way.....while doing that....I realised that I just needed a reason to feel this way....
Everyone around me...my age...has started working or is looking for jobs....and that has had a drastically daunting effect on me....the feeling of being financially independent is underestimated....it means alot....because it signifies alot of the things that matter most....my parents' expectations...my goals....my future aspirations...so its heavy baggage...but I felt guilty for feeling that way...coz ur supposed to be happy for your friends when they take the first step into their career....so I kept pushing it aside....
And now that my friend is all set to go abroad...I finally had a healthy reason for my insecurity....It's like an outlet for me...Im feeling the pressure of uncertainty....which is why I am so broody these days...
medical studies take sooooooooo long to get done with....although I know, when I finally get started, it'l be more fruitful than it probably deserves to be...but right now..watching so many changes in everyone's career....is only making me more restless......its like Im still a step behind...
Im sorta running low on self-esteem....hate the fact that Im not working hard enough in my professional or personal life.....
Anyway I know its just a phase which will pass very soon...and I'll be back to my irritatingly perky and optimistic self..
The fact is that.....

I keep hitting myself with a hammer......because it feels really good when I stop.....




30. Independence to me...means...being the master of my own destiny....

mockTALES!

I have a plan...to entrap somebody into my social life....hee haa...wickedd...huh!.....did u guess......cute guy?.....cute guy's best friend?...cute guy's puppy....awwwwww...NO!
neither....
its the nurse who sits outside the OT in my hosp....by 'my' hosp I mean the college hospital where I'm a student....anyway....she my dearest....is the to-be-apple-of-my-eye.........
Ill explain the reason for my suck-up-ness.......before u think of some weird things like JOEY...She decides who gets to enter the OT...I mean from among the students and interns........and she has all the KHABRR.....about all the important one-in-a-thousand surgeries that could be taking place........SUPER.....to cut somebody open or to watch them being cut open is like a dream come true.....yeah im a witch..wateverr!
welcome....my new BEST friend ppl
I know she wont read this....but to prove my passion for surgery......I can do ANYTHING to get into that OT for a cardiac or neuro surgery.....and for my new best friend....il learn the Marathi dialect if she asks for it.....btw I despise the language......sayin it so u understand the sacrifice.....I would adopt her kids if she'd ask but that I wudnt mind doing for nothing in return ;)........soooo....watch out kantabai (I dunno her name yet).....HERE I COME......


Did you know, in Australia the population is so scarce that 1 person can take upto 3 acres of land....all by himself.....whoaa!
now did you know....that the population of India is so abundant...that whether or not there are inhabitants in a single yard.....there are remnants of their existence.....
I was going to college the other day...on a boring morning........early morning to be specific.....and while waiting for the train.....I was counting the amount of footwear on the railway tracks.......DUDEE.....I was bored....I already mentioned that the morning was boring....plus it was easier to ignore the lechers while counting shoes.......anway there were about 40 or 50 shoes without their other halves within 50 metres......hehehe.......now u know what the problem of our country is?......
I was obviously wondering about the degree of coincidences.....all that I could imagine within my scope of thinking.....u know like it fell off the foot while hanging outta the train n all that...but then ....I was like wtf...the population is soooooo much..that it happened to sooo many people....that it didnt even seem like a coincidence....how many dumb people existed?....there were all types of footwear........how many of them were wearing shoes double their actual shoe size? and letting them fall on the tracks...u knw the perpetual spitters who spit at every possible inch of free space that isnt marooned with their saliva........now there are loose-stringers.....Im calling them that coz there were shoes with shoe strings on em too.....like obviously...the wind in our city is so gusty that the string unwound itself and the shoe slipped off.......d-uh......obviously that happened!.....lol...next time ur shoe string snaps....dont look for a cobbler....look down at our city's self sufficient railway tracks......


Since we're talking about our city......I find it necessary to mention how closely Ive seen the filth in it....and how closely I've seen the languid standard of living of the people.....I'm a Bombay lover so by no means is this going to be condescending or demeaning.....Im just saying it as a part of the bad luck that exists in my life.....I travel the Bombay way...by trains...if u havent travelled by trains in Bombay.....u dunno how it lives......its as simple as that.....
We were waiting at a station the other day for a connecting train to Andheri....in the rains....for arnd 20 minutes.....if u knw by railway standards....if any platform in bombay is left unvisited by a train for more than 10 mins, it looks like a re-creation of the Kumbh Mela....Ive never been there...but I know its crowded.....so anyway when the train arrived...it was already crowded plus the addition of us waiting passengers who wud at no cost wait for the next train at the end of a tiresome day.....worsened the situation
As soon as we entered......we realised that nobody was in the seating area....and my olfactory sensors told me I shoudn't question why.........naturally I was repulsed...so I just stood by the doorside dependent on the outside world for my oxygen.....but my friend was too quick to think before leaping and she immediately turned to me and blurted there was dog shit in the seating area....EOWWWWWWW.....Im sorry Im doing this to you...........but theres a funny element to the story......it was just a matter of one more station...and I wud be outta this rabid crap...so I just concentrated on the 'OUTSIDE' atmosphere......and wad did I see......people crappin on the railway tracks......double EOWWW....
u knw the story of the three wise monkeys......see no evil hear no evil speak no evil........well my advice.......in Bombay...whether or not its evil..........WORSHIP this saying!!


my third yr is giving me opportunities to gain alot of clinical knowledge.......its amazing.....Physiotherapists have a lot to do with the treatment of cerebral palsy (CP) patients.....to brief you up....the kids are unable to use their limbs the normal way......I usually never take interest in observing the treatment of CP kids in my opd since it seems like a playschool to me and Ive never really understood the cause of CP......the other day however....I was sitting beside my professor who was attenuating a kid to balance weight on both her legs......the skill lies in doing it in a cute kiddie way without the baby knowing wads going to happen...because it hurts them if their using their affected limbs in an unusual way.....which is actually the normal way.......we were training the baby to stand on her feet...and to stay there for more than 30 seconds or something....her mom and grannie were there with us......after about 20 seconds or so...the baby would start wailing coz her feet wud hurt.....and she would obviously try and do things to sit down...........we'd try to distract her with a couple of toys and delay the process by a few seconds and eventually set her down.....her mother wud then lift her up...hug her and in about 5 seconds..she would sstop crying and smile again......was a very sweet baby.....what I was noticing though....was the look on her mothers face everytime the baby was wailing in pain........and everytime she lifted her up to stop her from crying........I was noticing that loook......and its inexplicable.....I cant tell u how that made me feel throughout the day.........its the kinda love you thought never existed....but when u come across such things.....the only thing that comes to ur mind is that GOD has truly made a beautiful world.........


Rains rains OH Rains.....I can never resist from talking about the weather........do u know how much fun it is to enjoy a weather like it is meant to be enjoyed.....Im very famous for being anti-raingear......I hate carrying it around....even if it saves u from gettin wet initially...its a pain to carry it arnd when it itself gets wet....u have to hold it like half a metre away from urself so that the water and the dirt mixed with it, doesnt spill on u...or carry a plastic bag to store it in.....watever....I mean are u kidding...I rather get wet......which btw is soooooo much more fun..........Ive practically got drenched every single time it has rained this season...and Ive thoroughly enjoyed it everytime......I love it.....I love walking in the rains.......I love swimming in the rains......I love the feeling I get when my hair gets all washed up in the rain showers.....when im angry or upset...it feels like its a way to wash all the negative energy off me........its coooling...and soothing....and has a super calming effect on me.........I was one of those people who hated the rains because the commuting can get really nasty....I still cringe sometimes.....but I love it more when I enjoy it......its always easier to crib and sulk.......what many dont know is its easiest to be happy......if u want to!



28.I know God will not give me anything I cant handle......I just wish he didn't trust me so much!
29. You are the person who has to decide.....whether you'll do it or toss it aside........you are the person who makes up your mind.....whether you'll lead or will linger behind......whether you'l try for the goal thats afar or just be contented to stay where you are.........
(for everybody like me who feels daunted with every single step ahead in this big bad world)

stars are blind!

most of my friends wont believe this.....that Im very happy for Rafa.....I know he deserves the achievement.....he's been tryin for so long.....its not easy losing the final of your dream tournament twice in a row...leave alone the possibility of a third......but he's an achiever....he chases his dreams.....every next time u watch him play...he comes up with better ways to improve his game......he inspires me....because Ive never seen people learn so well from their mistakes and those of others....he picks up brilliantly...studies the game of the opponent and fights back....Im very happy for him and I kinda feel cruel for praying harder for federer to win...but I didnt want federer to be defeated.....because I hate to see him lose and I hate that word even remotely associated with him...since Im not very used to it anyway.....but I didnt not want Nadal to win........
I'm a very passionate person.....so I tend to reach extremes of emotions.....I cant watch somebody being defeated in a game like this......if fed wudve won I would be freakin rejoicing for weeks.......but I wouldnt be able to get the image of nadal holding the runner-up trophy outta my mind......so it was literally unbearable for me to hear it when they attached the word runner - up to fed....it was a historic match...and everybody who was witness to it knew there were 2 winners....most of the people I knew were so strong about it...nadal won..but federer didnt lose....I wish I could be like that too...but I was literally sobbing.....and my mom was a lil too shocked to react....perhaps she didnt know how to...so she just stood beside me waitin for the grief to submerge in the pool of my tears.....she knew I was hell bent on wanting fed's 6th consecutive title but she didnt know it gets so sentimentally crazy....heehee...she kinda freaked out on my emotional health a bit coz its not very often you see an effeminate outburst in sports....I didnt wanna hate nadal and I had no one else to blame..but I finally chose a potential candidate to dislike....Toni Nadal....and I hate him for being so impeccable in reading Federer's game and teaching it to Rafaa.......
Anyway I cant help but notice the friendship between the 2 of them and the respect that they share for each other......but for me fed is still the king....I know alot of people are thinkin bout the end of the era and all that......but they are the ones who see the glass half empty more often than they see it half full........
The king will reign......battles are not won by both sides but that doesn't mean the opponents scabbards weren't sharp enough...



25. In a lion-fight....if u don't win....doesn't mean you dunno how to roar...
26. Don't lick your wounds.....celebrate them....cause the scars you bear are the signs of a competitor......


muaaaah to federer!!

critically disclaimed!

there are alot of things you'll keep discovering about me everyday, if you know me in person.....even if u know me since years there will be this one single thing you never knew existed in my personality....Im not trying to sound like a chameleon......just trying to sound freshER everyday ;)
well one of those things is that I can get infectiously happie......most of the time for no reason.....and then I begin to look at everything like it is existing to be the most beautiful thing in the world....for example...this weather....is so beautiful that I just cant get enough of it........I luv it.....I luv the way I wake up and feel so good every morning.....also...im on vacation.... ;)....so practically everyday of your life where u got up and had nothing to do feels like a good weather day......even if its 45' C.....so excuse me for feelin good bout this weather if you have to go through the ordeal of travellin the "Bambai" way everyday....all my pupppy faced heartfelt apologies...disguised under grins....hee hee....
I feel like doing the job of a critic......second thing u just discovered bout me.......im still the kid who wakes up every morning wishin to be in a different profession everyday....this phase normally lasts till bout 10-12 yrs in our lives...mine has lasted so long that Ive thought of things outside the circumference of the usual ones......if u said u would want to be a pilot....Id probably have said air traffic controller.....if u said chef...id say dessert maker...or wahtever...so u get the point.....today I wanna be a critic......which comes very naturally to me....I really really wish I could be this sweet girl who loved everything about everyone.....but im not...im mean and rude...and straightforward to the point of annoyance...so im pretty sure everybody who knows me has thought of atleast more than 5 ways to zip my mouth...or probably make the lips disappear and cause an incision much smaller than an oral cavity...haha.....I know it...I know ur even grinnin right now because you HAVE infact thought of all this........at one point......MEAN!
By the way this was not a justification for the criticism that follows.....
The 3 mistakes of my life by Chetan Bhagat :
expectations are the sole reason for sorrow....he wrote such a brilliant book in the form of 5 point someone that this one just seemed like a joke in front of it......I understand how he wants to aim a certain age group....the ones who are always stuck at the edge of indecisiveness and wobbly career decisions and all that....but there cant be too much said or written about the same things repeatedly.....the book is very immature....some of the characters are very obviously fictitious even though there's always a preconceived notion about his books being taken out of real life incidents.....I dont know if its just me but I dont understand the prologue...I dont feel the reality behind his experiences....I am not very curious before the book begins......some of the characters in the book are not elaborately described because the whole book is from the point of view of this one person.....also the end of the book is like a typical Hindi movie ending.....and it really disappointed me..coz I hate hindi movies...I absolutely adore the simplicity of Chetan Bhagat but seems like he's too much under the influence of script-writing rather than being an author...

Jaane tu ya jaane na
Hindi movies and me dont get along....in fact...movies and me dont get along...ive mentioned it time and again...I probably value time the least..I procrastinate..and im one of those people who waste time like it is only meant to be wasted.....but...when it comes to watchin a 3 hr movie....I can be extremely picky and choosy and finicky about how those suddenly-seeming-so-valuable seconds are spent......I watched this movie twice in 2 days coz thats how long it takes for me to decide if I liked it or not......decision is positive....I loved it...its very cute....if i was 16..i wudve probably added it to my favorite movie collection....muuuaah..

thats enough for being a hopeless critic....excuse moi if u got bored with my blog today....but im a blogger...gettin addictive...so whether or not i have something sensible to write...il write gibberish anyway.....even if i know and everyone around tells me that its crappy.........bloggin = freedom...to encourage the thoughts in ur head to be reproduced as crap in a bag...........so cheers to bloggism!! hurra............

Thankyou!

Everyone and by that, I mean everyone, has thought of the things they would say if they were up on stage winning an award....while watchin the oscars....or while watchin roger federer up on the pedestal for the umpteenth time expressing his achievement so subtly....or when the captain of the indian cricket team walks up to say a few words after winnin, a very often than not, unexpected tournament....everyone wonders...if I were there...I would've said this...everyone does it...it comes naturally....I infact enjoy the feeling....and so....I knw compared to the oscars or a wimbledon or a 20-20 series my achievement is like the size of a virus...but it IS an achievement....and I am very much entitled to a thankyou speech of my own.....picture me on a grand stage, in front of a thousand great people from varied fields who are all ears to my thankyou speech for scoring well in my 2nd yr exams....dont mock...picture it.....oh and I forgot to mention...the background of the stage is an AV of me performing a cardiac transplant (technically Im never going to do it, but this is a fantasy...and I am the architect) also Im wearing a stunning dress and looking hot........Hrithik roshan hands me the award.....now picture it and hear me say this :

Good evening everyone!
This is not a run-of-the-mill cliched speech coz its me giving it and not you....
First and foremost....I would definitely not like to thank my parents...coz for the 2 months that I was studying hard and trying to be in my friggin own bubble...they were trying to burst it very often and demanded that I spend more time with them....so i wont thank them...coz they acted like kids and and didnt understand that medical studies are tough....anyway I love you mamma and papa.....muahhh...
Secondly I also wouldn't like to thank my friends whose timings couldnt have been worse while telling me all the very happening things...happening in their lives...vacations and boyfriends and parties and goa...etc...watever!! but I love you guys...coz my vacation wouldnt have been a vacation without you'l...hugs galore...
I would also like to mention that my dean had lost it coz she kept so many exams consecutively for 4 months that by the time it was time to give the most important one....we were saturated and frustrated and exhausted...and sleepless if I may mention.....so....I sincerely hope she finds it again....with more neurons this time!!.....uhh wel...she gets no love and kisses till she changes her friggin stately accent....oh I hope this doesnt sound like I disrespect her coz I respect her...alot!! not lying!!
Since alot of you'll here are from the shitty bollywood industry and achieved fame for doing nothing so great....I wouldn't like to thank you'll for being in terribly disgusting movies which aired on TV while I was trying to study...but I watched them anyway....I accept your thanks for stickin through a third degree torture....but seriously...STOP ACTING!!
Also I love anything French but messieurs ul conducted the French Open at the wrong time..totally coinciding with my exams.....I would definitely accept an apology n the form of a free invitation to watch it every yr.....if you want me to be thankful!! Also...luv you Roger...and Nadal,well played, btw nice tush...tee hee!!......
Also all interestin tournaments like 20-20 and the EPL should write a petition to the UN to grant a leave to the spectators during the tournaments.....if u Ha me at this suggestion your probably a woman who hates sports, gay or just plain cynical!!
I have not yet expressed my unthankfulness to the addictive Grey's anatomy series which destroyed my sleep cycle since I preferred to watch it in the only free time I had in a day......which is.....the time I usually spent sleeping......but sincere thanks to the times it made me weep while watching it for cleansin my internal emotional system...
Also I wish to mention that the authors of alot of my subjects need to bloody cut down on the weights of their books coz its tough to balance what seems like 10kgs on ur lap in a comfortable position while your trying to understand what only seems like Hebrew at that time of the yr coz ur friggin studyin it for the first time.....plus i screwed my back trying to find a suitable balancing position......so......use ur authory brains....and make them lighter...or split them into mini lil books.......whatever happened to the policy of Divide and rule.........oh ya...and thankyou for imparting the knowledge....(sweet fake smiles) blah blah!!
Incase your prayin for me to never top again because of this outrageously honest speech which is anything but gracious.....and doesnt give u fake importance....STOP...because I've saved my thanks for a few more important things :

Caffeine....which i absolutely hate...but after 36hrs of insomnia...i had to use it to write my exams....it made me groggy and strange....but it helped..

My will power....for being strong enough to want something so bad that it made me overlook the terrible things happenin in my life....

My best friend.......without whom i literally cant breathe.....so thankyou for my being my life support system!

My pillow...for being so soft and cosy that it made a 1 hr nap last a beautiful lifetime....
My under-eyes for not turning dark and giving me the encouragement of looking good inspite of an unhealthy lifestyle....
Procrastinators.....for existing around me so I didnt feel like the only one........
My ipod........for being an ipod!
and lastly....the owl outside my window....which hooted all nite...and made sure it acted like an ecological alarm clock...which I like to believe was sent by God as his lovin gift..........it hooted and hooted and hooted........and I slogged and slogged and slogged.........its a pretty one by the way!! so thankyou....
If you think I'm actually going to leave you out of my thankyou speech...wellll....Yeah...for the first time this evening...your thinkin right......
But i love hugs and love to love....so LURRRVEEEE YOU'LLL and ....seriously................thanks for listening....... :)with warm smiles the stunner walks off stage.......

UNCUT:
Backstage Bryan Adams serenades her!!






23. A feeling that changes never existed in the first place.
24. Forgive and Forget...thats what they say...its good advice.....but its not very practical.
When someone hurts us...we want to hurt them back......when someone wrongs us....we want to be right....
without forgiveness old scores are never settled.....old wounds never heal
the most we can hope for.....is that....one day....we'l be lucky enough to Forget!!

just another day in paradise

today is a happie day....its happy for no reason....its happy because i can feel the happiness after a very long time...there's nothing to be afraid of..nothing to feel guilty about....nothing to stop me from feeling happy...
its a happie day because everything seems to fall in the right place....
mistakes happen....and they make you feel terrible...and numb....theres no will left to do or say anything...or even feel anything.....but anything that comes has to go....
life really isn't constant.....change is constant.....
I despise change...
but this change, I'm lovin!





21. all love stories are not epic novels.....some are short...but that doesn't make them any less filled with love....
22. memories last forever.....they last even if they aren't meant too......its upto us to retrieve only a selected few....

Love angel music baby..

things iv bin discoverin lately....

1. bandra has a cute small world of its own where everybody knows everybody...theres a link between every person....n feels like a nice big family...
2. new friends are like a breath of fresh air....like a newly brought perfume...it smells better than the other ones in ur closet....n u suddenly feel like a new person on wearin it....fresh, bright and shiny...
3. chance meetings make me smile....bumpin into old friends or school teachers feels superr...they make u reminisce...they make u smile...
4. strangely sometimes strangers can do what friends cant....cheer u up when u need it the most...and what comforts u is the fact that they are not even trying....
5. true friendships don't cease.....they are like wounds....whether a cut,bruise or abrasion....there's always some way to heal it...
6. egos are non-existent....where people matter, hearts rule...
7. old friends are like mirrors.....a reflection of everything u are...and sometimes of that what u dont wanna see...but u see it anyway...
8. music is the best thing to have happened to this world...music is my soul...music is everything...it is the spirit of livin..
9. theres nothing in this world that cannot be solved with love...alot of it.....from everybody..
10. laughter is not the best medicine....if it really existed in plenty...there wudn be any need for medicines in the first place...
11. chocolates shock me....they are like the magicians in my life....watever be the problem.....the endorphins make me fall in love...in love with my life...again and again.....and again
12. sweet dreams are underestimated...they exist.....and are sometimes made of saccharine....
13. the monsoons in bombay make me nostalgic.....everything is pure, beautiful and calm......and the raindrops play music in my ears.....
14. there are many fish in the sea.....the sharks may bite ur skin off.....but that doesnt keep u from luvin the goldfish....
15. starin into the sea makes your eyes look more beautiful than they ever have.....
16. sometimes being alone is more important than being together...
17. life is like a treadmill....its constantly on the move....people come and people go.....some leave footprints....some skidmarks..
18. losin someone u love is the most hurtful thing in this whole goddamn world....
19. lovin ma life is the best gift i can give myself............................ lovin laughin n livin.....
20. L.ove..A.ngel...M.usic...B.aby....al the things that spead the joy!

...............................to be continued....as and when discoveries are chanced upon.....but im not screamin EUREKA...!!

LOTSAAAAAAAAA LURRRVEEEEEEE.......

unpenned

i thought technology made things easier for us...but the choices only make it tougher...indecisiveness is the weakest link in my elements....swayin away from my lovable 'oh so sweet dear diary' moments, i thought y not try out penning down thoughts online (pun intended)....i expect it to be a magical chicken soup kinda story...i like to wonder how in each of our lives with different situations, the emotions we experience are so similar n yet so different....and i believe nothing is more consolin than seeing people arnd u feel the same thing u r feelin....if its joy it spreads manifold...if its sorrow the world suddenly becomes a larger place....where everyone is footed on the same ground!