eyes open..

Iv been livin with a shadow overhead...

Iv been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

Iv been lonely for so long..

trapped in the past..

I just cant seem to move on

Iv been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

just incase I ever need 'em again someday

Iv been setting aside time...

to clear a little space

in the corners of my mind..

all I wanna do is find a way back into love

I cant make it through without a way back into love

Iv been watchin

but the stars refuse to shine

Iv been searchin

but I just dont see the signs

I know that its out there

there's gotta be somethin for my soul somewhere..

Iv been lookin for someone to shed some light

not somebody just to get me through the night

I could use some direction

all I wanna do

is find a way back into love

I cant make it through without a way back into love

and if I open my heart again

I guess im hopin ull be there

for me

in the end.....

There are moments when I dont know if its real

or if anybody feels the way I feel

I need inspiration

not just another negotiation

All I wanna do

is find a way back into love

I cant make it through without a way back into love

and if I open my heart to you

Im hopin you'll show me what to do

and if you help me to start again

then I'll be there

for you

in the end....

catchin up..or caught up?!

its shameless for me to start blogging rite now...because my mom's ramblin in the background...ENDLESSLY..
and which I cant seem to disrespectfully tune down.....I dont want to actually..not disrespectfully atleast......so im mentionin it here..and its a secret between u and me....
FYI she's back from a wedding in Delhi...and I got her to start talking coz the silence in my house was killing me....I am definitely not repenting that.....coz Im getting all the gossip about all the aunty-shanties and their gawdy clothing..and their critical scannin of each others clothing...and their size 20s and 40s......and a lil bit here and there about the moody rik drivers too....and the influences....and new friends.....and the same old family...and dead dog....phew!!
its going on....although I would love to mention that my mom is absolutely not a gossip queen..and totally despises it....this......what is going in my background...is just a MERE description of a fortnite which she spent away from me...so that I can picture it...how sweet!!.....
well...its cute too...coz politics from her tongue is like the masala in her schezwan sauce....a tinge of vinegar...and spices galore.....
I am also hearing about people I didnt know existed and the same ones whom Iv apparently met alot of times...and I must say my pretence of reminiscing is hopeless...so Im just nodding along...
There's alot of description about everyones houses too...and their hospitalilty....I have alot of relatives in Delhi....so itsssss goooooiiinnnn onnnnnnnnn....
Im not bored...Im typing as she's rantin.....lol...please dont think Im shameless...I really love our talks...our mother daughter tidbits.....
I gave her alot of news about MY lovely curfew-less days and nites (which got over houurrsss ago FYI).....ahem!!.....obviously leaving out details about the encroachment into CURFEWED time zones....which happened a lil too often for her comfort.....
I must say I absolutely enjoyed my Home Alone moments.....I partied...lazed around....did everything I wanted..when i wanted......went wherever I had to whenever I felt like.....I loved the freedom.....
but on the other hand...I missed them...I missed my family...because I need some noise when I get back home....screw silence when you dont need it....
I was a dutiful daughter and called them every single time I felt guilty of not being questioned about my whereabouts and deadlines....
My mother freaked out on the other end of the phone...coz she thought I was going wilder...less responsible..and she wouldnt understand that it was my way of showin my respect for her by letting her knw...of my apparent wild ways.....
Btw her voice trembled so hilariously.....sorrie..im not being sadistic..shes my mom.....but it was funnie...sometimes.Ii dont think they realize Im much naughtier than what they see...or probably they dont want to accept the fact that theyve brought up a demon and hence want to overlook my demonizin ways to feel better about their authority and reputation...lol...its so silly.....
Iv given birth to a menace...how tough is that......?....ok im being kiddish again....pardon...
anyway the point is....u never know what you've got till its gone....(33)....and your never happy with that you've currently got....
its human tendency....WE ALWAYS WANT MORE.....
I dont know if Pepsi hit bullseye or rockbottom....when they quote their drink.....but it sure is one helluva pesticide!!! YUM!
Anyway.. the quote should've been......you should know what u have...weigh it with what you want....weigh it over what you dont have...and negate what you cant get.....
basically...JUST BE HAPPIEEE WITH with the 75% you've got more than the 25% you havent got at all.....and probably are less likely to ever get...


P.S : my mother is almost on her way to doze off or so i thought..coz she got up and just sat back down again.......but I sincerely hope she doesnt expect me to recall our conversation when time demands...I mean for future gossips...coz she'll definitely think im amnesic....or genetically predisposed to it...coz shes losing her memory these days!!..she'll freak out coz its showing the effects on her daughter...wayyyyyyyy earlier than what she dreaded of.....