BUCKET LIST

there's a niche for everybody...a separate one...to make your own space...and stand your own ground...it makes us special..it makes us different...and gives us our own territory...I need that niche...
I think its too far away before i can finally get there...but I want one..n when I finally get one..I want to be happy..
ever heard of that song "Sunscreen" by baz luhrmann....its one of those to lift your spirits up at anytime of the day...everytime I listen to it....I promise myself...to hear it first thing every mornin....because its really some of those things...that we know exist...but we need to be reminded that they do....and they make life simpler...and easier to live.....
He says : don't worry if you dont know what you wanna do with your life...some of the most interestin people Ive met didnt know at 20 what they wanted to do with their lives...some of the most interesting 40 yr olds I know....still don't!!
I need somebody to keep remindin me of this fact...because I keep feeling down and out and useless...and I know...I know there's a reason for my life....I know its calling out to me....but I dont know how to reach out to it...I cant find the reason....I know..Ill be happy once I do.....I need to find a reason....I need to know...

anyway...
this time of the year is surprising me...well..for that matter 2008 has been a year full of those surprises poppin out of nowhere...and not the pleasant ones...anyway...its usually my favorite time of the year...the weather is pleasant...there are like a trazillion birthdays...and thus..that many cakes...so well...yeah..it is my favorite time of the yr...cakes and chocolates have been determining my reason for happiness for a long long time now....and hence the affection for winter...but as I've been growing up Ive been adding more and more things to feel positive about in this season and it really keeps my spirits lifted...these 4 months really make me feel like I AM after all...living the life that I want to...but..the wind seems to be blowing the other way around this yr....well the winds not really blowing at all because the weather couldnt get worse...but hey..what the heck is wrong with 2008....
I have to admit Im giving it less credit than it deserves...for starters it had a lot of firsts in my life...some that I can mention..and some that I cant....out of the ones that I can...I saw my very first surgery..and many more thereafter...I got drunk..like really really drunk...yeah whatever..I know its too late...but Ive got some threshold...anyway...I got kissed by a dolphin...Im including this in my firsts..because I knw...when I get the perfect life..Im gonna do that a lot more often..I sneaked out of the house at nite(more than once)..tee hee..saw bombay at untowardly hours...well the other firsts..I bet I cant remember coz Im amnesic and they were in the first half of the yr..and out of the ones that I can.....umm lets just leave em to sweet memories....
but still november and december are like the craziest months of the year...I can add so many more firsts..but they seem so DEAD in the grave right now...
Things gotta buck up...
Anyway for some reason...my bucket list...is on my mind alot lately.....its usually the things people wanna do before they die...but I have one...every yr...before my birthday...haa...ironic....i know...so last yr I wanted to get drunk and motor a train....not simultaneously as I made it sound...Like get drunk separately and motor a train separately..but yeah u got the point
this yr...well blame it on the dull atmosphere these days..which is totally wearin on me by the way..coz Ive been awfully quiet and dazed...I don't even have a bucket list....you know this time of the yr..gets me nostalgic..and oh-another year-coming-to-an-end-already type...and my 21st freakin godforsaken birthday has only 45 days to go(I think)...I tend to make big deals about the age factor...I wont be mentioning it few yrs down the line..so Im takin this opportunity to be open about it....Anyway Im entering one of those decades...and once ur there...dammit u keep growin older....
I wish i could be one of those confident people who go : I love the way I look...age doesnt matter...I FEEEEL younger....yeah right whatever...I envy them if they genuinely mean that...otherwise I just assume they mustve drowned in a tub full of Botox and chuckle under my breath...
anyway...I realised Ive been rambling gibberish now...but I must say..writing really helps...its alleviating...its like my catharsis....welll yay......
BUT...
the point is....
I NEED A BUCKET LIST ALREADY !!!!





35. Dont worry if you don't know what to do with your life...some of the most interestin people Ive met..didnt know at 20 what they wanted to do with their lives....some of the most interestin 40 yr olds I know...STILL DON'T........:)
36. The world of pretense is a cage....not a cocoon.....

waitin on the world to change..

Im really inspired at this moment...I just watched RDB for the hundredth time...It gets me thinkin...about our defense....about the men who volunteer to go out there and fight....Its another thing standing by your parent's side after getting a glimpse of a patriotic movie n tuggin on his shirt to tell him that you wanna be one of those men in green one day....And its totally different....when u leave the option of getting one of the degrees that everyone around you is conveniently obtaining....gettin a good job and having one of those happily-ever-after married lives....always around to see your girlfriend-cum-fiance turn into super wifey..and the nitty-gritties of your kids....its such a convenient option...y wouldn't anyone opt for it...I dont understand...I cant read their minds..I cant get into the head of a person who will volunteer to give all this up...and sign up in the army,navy or air force.....Once you sign up and your in the system...its foolproof to ensure that you wont regret your presence there...you'll never betray your country...once there...your just proud to be a part of that world...to be making such a difference to so many lives....but that one step...of just signing up for it...and watchin your parents shed tears when they hear the news...unsure if they are of joy, pride..or fear.....just that one step....needs the courage of a thousand men....I respect that sooo much...If I had it my way..well....we'd never need anybody to sacrifice their lives to cover up somebody else's mistakes....mistakes of segregation, discrimination, independence and all that BULLSHIT!!.....If I had it my way....there wouldn't be any country at all......we'd live on EARTH... the way the apes did.....the drink-and-be-merry life.........wander.......wonder....laugh..itch....eat..sleep...
well not technically that way....but with freedom to be the master of your own destiny.....Sometimes I wonder..if we really have evolved for our benefit.......the more we seem to evolve the more complicated our lives are becoming...what great use are we making of the life of a scientist...who spends an entire lifetime to find the cure of a fatal disease.......when the fatality is actually beginning to claw into every existence of our being.......I'm not sure we were meant to turn out like that....to fight for survival at every step....In the world I hope to live in....there's alot of bliss...and love...and happiness.....and positivity....I'm being disgustingly hypothetical I know....more than half of ul who read this are already 6 feet under a heap of workload and tensions and stresses to be dreaming about a perfect world....
But I have a sweet memory...of the time when we were kids...innocent lil people...we could just get out of bed....topple over our heads in the sand.. and smother our feet in the puddles....we could chase a fly endlessly with the hope of catching it....and always fail...but have fun anyway..we'd pplopp pebbles in water....just to enjoy the sound of it..play in the mud with our buddies....
finally tire and lie down on the dewy grass....and stare endlessly at the sky....for no reason...there were no dreams....and there was no foresight...and there was no regret....just lying there.....staring at the sky...we'd watch the sun fade away....watch the moon and stars.....n hear their story....and at the end of a playful and untidy day....smirk naughtily and run into the arms of our mommies..who'd tuck us safely into bed.....and we'd smile to sleep....because...tomorrow....we'd do the same thing....n be AS HAPPY AS TODAY.







33. You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. In Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them......but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears......Most people turn to the things and people they can trust.......
But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely....cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true......
- Meredith Grey.

34........that's why...we're waiting....waiting on the world to change..
- shraddha.