Saturday, May 1, 2010

Sleepy Drunk


Exhaustion can have a strange manifestation.
Most people I know sleep it off.
I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite.
I sleep when I hate facing the world and when I want to curl up in my cocoon; when I don't want to face a nagging situation that I know I won't be able to handle;when I want to run away from it.
It's my defense mechanism. My subconscious brings out the tucked away thoughts in my sleep and urges my ego to face it. It helps me tremendously. But it makes me go into hibernation more often than I'd like it.
Exhaustion on the other hand brings out the clown in me.When I have a heap load of work with an overhead deadline, I spend every possible minute trying to be productive and sleep is anything but that in my world. So by the end of a few days (weeks sometimes) my brain gets dangerously hypoglycemic.
Something gets dewired between the brain and my mouth and my words make no sense at all.
It's almost always a combination of insomnia and hunger but trust me, its pretty entertaining for anyone who's willing to tolerate it. Most of my friends, love to!

For eg:

Dad's in the room
Mom's in the kitchen
I enter the room and yell, "BYE MOM".
And then just as if to correct my mistake, I hurriedly walk towards the kitchen,peep in and yell, "BYE DAD".
Then I exclaim loudly, "Why can't you'll respond?" and storm out.


To my fat friend who knows I call her fat;
On a hot, frustrated day:

WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LOSE WEIGHT?
WHY ARE YOUR FEET SO DIRTY?
WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THE SAME PERSON EVERY SINGLE DAY?
WHY IS YOUR BACKSIDE SP-ILL-INGG OUT OF THOSE JEANS?
WHY..WHY..WHY..ARE YOU SO FATTTT?

To the drivers on my left and right:

Stop crushing me like I'm the cream in a cookie!
Huh?

No..Me first....STOP IT....Let me go...Stop..Honk..Honk...Insolent Dog...Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk Honk.

Your staring into my car....Its my space...Your in my space..GET OUT of my space...Blink!

To the RJ:

Huh?!

JUST
PLAY
THE
DAMN
SONG
P L E A S E!

To the Sun:

URGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHH!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..

To my Bed:

Stop looking at me so invitingly!

To my mirror:

Who's that ugly thing?

In my sleep:

I swear I woke up on time Sir!

To my food:

You should've been over fertilized!

To the dog:

Are you dead? The last time I saw you awake was in 2009.

To my friends:

I haven't slept in 20 hrs.

To my family:

I haven't slept for more than 3 hours a day in the past whole week.

To the wall:

I've barely slept.

To the painting:

I slept for only 2 hrs today.

To the mosquito:

SMASH!!!!
I need sleep.
SORRY!

I NEED SLEEP!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Peanuts



How many times have you had the most unusual thing happen to you that leaves a lingering feeling of goodness?
It keeps you smiling for the longest time and sometimes it changes a very small but important part of you. I have a knack for picking up the little nothings in life, the small tidbits that don't even matter to most people.
But, because of the lovely jumpy feeling that it creates inside me, I'm going to share some of my cutest, unintentionally memorable moments.
Now, I may get mushy and over-sentimental about it, just to prepare you.

The single best thing that has ever happened to me without me or my family or friends being a deliberate part of it, is bumping into two half-strangers at a coffee shop. Half-strangers because they were acquaintances of acquaintances whom I was barely even acquainted with.
Anyway, so I was having one of my worst days or so I thought, and I was really low and glum. And for the first time my best friend and me had run out of things to say to each other. Now the one thing a "good" coffee shop should inevitably have is SPACE, enough to prevent any eavesdropping that may lead to some horrendous discoveries about strangers and people and humans actually.(Ahem!). But this coffee shop had tables stuck together like it was meant to be one of those speed-dating events. Urgh!
Now, boys can be really nosy, especially if they're bold and they sort of know who you are and your best friend is one of the cutest chicks around. So Mr. Tweedledee and Dum just smoothed themselves into our monosyllabic conversation which, in my defense, I tried to ignore A LOT.
But they simply refused to budge. I don't know what it is with guys and being so hard shelled about acknowledging hints. I know that they know that they're ignoring the hints, and I know that they think that we're playing hard-to-get but that's not always the case guys. I don't understand how you can stand being pushed around all the time and not tire of it.
Anyway, so Mr.Dee and Dum started smarting around and eventually just goaded their way into our evening. I don't remember where we started and how it turned into a laughter riot but for those 60 mins, I remember almost pee-ing a little with the unstoppable laughter. When the ice did break, which it eventually did, we looked like two couples on one of our regular double-dates.
About 30 mins into our conversation I realised how sore my cheekbones were from laughing so much. It was not just me and my BFF but Mr. Dee and Dum were having a ball themselves, and not for any hidden intentions.
I don't know how to put this into words but there's never been an evening of such nonchalant flirting that has left me blushing for this long.
I know it doesn't happen to everyone and I feel terrible about it. Trust me, it should.

P.S : Mr. and Miss. Tweedle Dee Dums haven't bumped into each other ever again. We didn't exchange phone numbers or details about our love lives. WE JUST HAD FUN.
And I can't forget that evening! It's kept me smiling for the longest time.

THINGS THAT DON'T HAPPEN USUALLY AND OFTEN BUT ARE THE THINGS THAT SHOULD - STORY 2
My friends were picking me up from BKC before college. When I reached there, the Rik fare was 20 and the driver had no change for a 100. I paid him the only 10er I had and requested him to wait for a few minutes till my friends arrived and I could pay him the balance. Now it was hot and humid, I had an exam and I was carrying at least 10 kgs of education on me so I didn't want to step out of the rik and wait. Within a few minutes though, a 'Pandu' snapped his fingers and asked the driver to move. The driver told him about the situation and I intervened to justify. I was getting impatient and I looked back towards the signal from where my friends were coming. From the corner of my eye, I saw the Pandu reach out to his wallet. I guessed it would be to look for change but he didn't call me or anything so I assumed he didn't have any. Before I knew it, the driver sped away and I looked at the Pandu confusedly. He read my expression and said the GOLDEN WORDS I will never forget.

Imagine:
A pandu, your local traffic havaldar, whom you tip so notoriously, after whining sooo much about that last hundred rupee note in your wallet, saying :

"DON'T WORRY, MAINE USKO DUS KA NOTE DE DIYA, GOD BLESS YOU, DON'T WORRY, DON'T WORRY"

And that's why...
I believe in small observations of rare sightings....and hearings.

I love when devils turn angelic without a warning - STORY 3

Remember you had this one professor in college who dressed up hideously in garish 'Item Number' type of clothes and was so frustrated perpetually that you and your gang derived probable reasons for her annoyance ranging from her mental health to her sexual satiety?
Well, we had one of those and needless to say we despised her.
She was our in-charge for one year and at the end of it we were all really short on attendance, which almost ruined our chances for appearing for the final examinations. We knew there was nothing we could do about it and our lives were doomed.
Just then, she enters the class, smilingly for a change and says: "Guys, we have decided to X-CUZE you'll."

Our ears have been ringing with those words ever since. We know that us, or any other batch will never get to hear THAT again.

:)

Mischievous that we are, we keep crediting her husband.



- Life is like mixing tiny portions of milk in a dark chocolate.
- mE!