BUCKET LIST

there's a niche for everybody...a separate one...to make your own space...and stand your own ground...it makes us special..it makes us different...and gives us our own territory...I need that niche...
I think its too far away before i can finally get there...but I want one..n when I finally get one..I want to be happy..
ever heard of that song "Sunscreen" by baz luhrmann....its one of those to lift your spirits up at anytime of the day...everytime I listen to it....I promise myself...to hear it first thing every mornin....because its really some of those things...that we know exist...but we need to be reminded that they do....and they make life simpler...and easier to live.....
He says : don't worry if you dont know what you wanna do with your life...some of the most interestin people Ive met didnt know at 20 what they wanted to do with their lives...some of the most interesting 40 yr olds I know....still don't!!
I need somebody to keep remindin me of this fact...because I keep feeling down and out and useless...and I know...I know there's a reason for my life....I know its calling out to me....but I dont know how to reach out to it...I cant find the reason....I know..Ill be happy once I do.....I need to find a reason....I need to know...

anyway...
this time of the year is surprising me...well..for that matter 2008 has been a year full of those surprises poppin out of nowhere...and not the pleasant ones...anyway...its usually my favorite time of the year...the weather is pleasant...there are like a trazillion birthdays...and thus..that many cakes...so well...yeah..it is my favorite time of the yr...cakes and chocolates have been determining my reason for happiness for a long long time now....and hence the affection for winter...but as I've been growing up Ive been adding more and more things to feel positive about in this season and it really keeps my spirits lifted...these 4 months really make me feel like I AM after all...living the life that I want to...but..the wind seems to be blowing the other way around this yr....well the winds not really blowing at all because the weather couldnt get worse...but hey..what the heck is wrong with 2008....
I have to admit Im giving it less credit than it deserves...for starters it had a lot of firsts in my life...some that I can mention..and some that I cant....out of the ones that I can...I saw my very first surgery..and many more thereafter...I got drunk..like really really drunk...yeah whatever..I know its too late...but Ive got some threshold...anyway...I got kissed by a dolphin...Im including this in my firsts..because I knw...when I get the perfect life..Im gonna do that a lot more often..I sneaked out of the house at nite(more than once)..tee hee..saw bombay at untowardly hours...well the other firsts..I bet I cant remember coz Im amnesic and they were in the first half of the yr..and out of the ones that I can.....umm lets just leave em to sweet memories....
but still november and december are like the craziest months of the year...I can add so many more firsts..but they seem so DEAD in the grave right now...
Things gotta buck up...
Anyway for some reason...my bucket list...is on my mind alot lately.....its usually the things people wanna do before they die...but I have one...every yr...before my birthday...haa...ironic....i know...so last yr I wanted to get drunk and motor a train....not simultaneously as I made it sound...Like get drunk separately and motor a train separately..but yeah u got the point
this yr...well blame it on the dull atmosphere these days..which is totally wearin on me by the way..coz Ive been awfully quiet and dazed...I don't even have a bucket list....you know this time of the yr..gets me nostalgic..and oh-another year-coming-to-an-end-already type...and my 21st freakin godforsaken birthday has only 45 days to go(I think)...I tend to make big deals about the age factor...I wont be mentioning it few yrs down the line..so Im takin this opportunity to be open about it....Anyway Im entering one of those decades...and once ur there...dammit u keep growin older....
I wish i could be one of those confident people who go : I love the way I look...age doesnt matter...I FEEEEL younger....yeah right whatever...I envy them if they genuinely mean that...otherwise I just assume they mustve drowned in a tub full of Botox and chuckle under my breath...
anyway...I realised Ive been rambling gibberish now...but I must say..writing really helps...its alleviating...its like my catharsis....welll yay......
BUT...
the point is....
I NEED A BUCKET LIST ALREADY !!!!





35. Dont worry if you don't know what to do with your life...some of the most interestin people Ive met..didnt know at 20 what they wanted to do with their lives....some of the most interestin 40 yr olds I know...STILL DON'T........:)
36. The world of pretense is a cage....not a cocoon.....