Saturday, December 18, 2010

carpe diem


If I had the privilege of picking a seventh sense, I would've chosen the power to freeze moments. The moments that fill my heart to the brim with a fear of passing too soon. The moments that thrill me in a thunderous sort of way.
Yes! I would definitely wish for this one. Because, despite my tender age, I cannot count the memories that I wish I could go back to. I don't want to permanently dwell in the era they occurred in and relive my life then on; but I want to be able to seat myself on my favorite spot by the ocean, lay back and close my eyes to relive everything that the moment brought with it. The joy, the anxiety, the inexplicable happiness and the delicate fluttering of my heart. I want to be able to play it over and over in my mind without lapses in thoughts or memory. I want to feel exactly what I had felt then.
This obviously preposterous fantasy I have, comes rushing to me every time I stare at pictures that have captured the good times in my life. Every once in a while though, I wish I could close my eyes and be in the picture all over again.
Before I build memories, I prepare my mind to lock them up in a safe, retrievable place. Although I have a crazy intuition of dying too soon, there is a strange picture of a queer, old lady in my head. She is me. And, it is terribly scary to be in her place, without stories to narrate. It is also extremely frightening to be that old lady, whose heart is burning to relive certain memories.
More than anything, I love to live in a seize-the-moment sort of way. I live on the edge of the second hand of a clock, sometimes getting off, struggling to push it back. Because I know of its unrelenting ways, I supersede it now and then, capturing terabytes of moments before I resume my place on it again.




Wouldn't it be nice if our lives were like VCRs and we could fast forward through the crummy times - Peanuts
Wouldn't it be nicer if we could just pause the good times - Me.

10 comments:

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Sharanya said...

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